My many looks of cancer -- some good, some not so good...

I am mid-way through my last week of treatment. Well, I learned I have two more boosts of chemo after this week. So, I will officially end my treatments on Jan 13th. There is light at the end of the tunnel and a cruise in my future from New Orleans where we will visit cities in Belize, Mexico, and Guatemala. I am excited and I shall enjoy myself thoroughly.

I feel bloated. My hands are a bit swollen and the pigmentation is darker in my hands. My self perception is changing a bit. I hope its not changing my husband's perception of me. I'm mildly tired and nauseous -- all side affects of the chemo.

I have always thought I had lots to be thankful for, but I realize more and more I have an abundance of things and people to be thankful for.

• I am thankful that I'm dealing with cancer in a singular sense and not multiple illnesses that many of the patients I see in chemo like: Parkinson's disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, and the list goes one.

• I am thankful that my treatment's full duration will be 8 weeks total and not a year plus time which many, many patients endure.

• I am thankful that I have maintained my strength and my ability to drive myself to and from my treatments -- a luxury for most.
  

• I am thankful that in the midst of all "this" I can brighten someone else's day or uplift their spirits by being positive or offering a smile.
  

• I am thankful for the new friends I have made and the stronger bonds of past friendships.
  

• I am thankful for excellent and advanced medical care and the medical staff that executes.
  

• I am most thankful for the outpouring of support, compassion and love I have felt during this journey of recovery. Thank you...
  

A New Day

Last night went without issue... and so did my transfusion today.

In the past when I've thought of blood donors and the need for blood I've thought of accident victims or those who have had a mishap with a surgery. I never really made the connection or the importance of the availability of blood for cancer patients until dealing with my mother's treatments and now my own.

Cancer is widespread and also the need for blood because of the side affects of its treatment.

What a day...

Today, I was scheduled for my routine chemo treatment. I get the "B" part of the BEP regimen every Tuesday. It is a simple shot. Well, this appointment lasted 2hrs vs. 1, les to an ENT visit, lab work and an appointment for a transfusion tomorrow. You see, I had a bloody nose that would not stop. It started at 10am and only stopped after being treated by the ENT doctor. The nose bleed was brought on because of a cold I have had the past few days and the dry air in our house, but it would not stop because I learned that my platelets are low which is the reason for the transfusion. I was hoping to get through all my treatments without a transfusion, but it doesn't look like that'll be happening now...

All my errands, my shopping, my resting, all got put on the backburner -- all in the name of "good health." I hope tomorrow is a better day.

My new look -- compliments of chemo

20lbs lighter and a new "do"...

My motto "If I look good, I should feel good... Right?!"

I'm embracing the wig thing now.
My hair is ALWAYS perfect, I don't have to fuss with it and I can change it EASILY.

Round Two - Done

I have completed Cycle 2 of my BEP chemotheraphy. Thank goodness. Round 2 kicked my butt. The last day of treatment, I was dragging and I was in bed or the sofa for a three days afterwards until my I started to regain my strength.

This time around, I was forced to use my nausea medication more often to keep from throwing up. I have not taken it the past four days.

Food is important. The first round of chemo I craved carbs -- potatoes and sandwiches. The second round I craved salads and fruit. I also eat a reasonable amount of liverwurst and other iron rich food to help offset my blood counts. I also drink natural energy drinks.

While doing cycle 2, I had a difficult time drinking water because it made me nauseous immediately. Water is important to keep your body flushed and helps it return to its "normal" state faster. So, I tried to offset with lots of ginger ale and juices. Orange juice has become one of my staples.

My skin is very dry. I'm forced to use lots of lotion and cream.

I have lost about 10lbs from the chemo and a total of 20 since having my hysterectomy.

The hair loss was pretty devastating, but I'm getting used to it and the shortened beauty routine. I also toyed with whether or not I'd let Fletcher see me bald or not. I soon realized that hair doesn't matter to him -- Mommy is Mommy... My sister reminded me of when my own mother lost her hair from chemo treatments how it did not phase us has her children... She was still Mom no matter what. I had completely forgotten about that...

I am lucky to have the support of my husband on a daily basis. He is constantly reassuring me and comforting me. While my mother is not here, I feel her presence and her "coaching" me along. He, my mother, and my son inspire me.

So many people have reached out to support me during this time. A Mom's Group that I belong to has set up Dinner Angels where we have meals delivered to our house two times a week until after my treatments are done. My husband was amazed. I wasn't.:-) I have so many people praying for me and my recovery. I FEEL the love and God's care.... Thank you doesn't seem like enough, but I am thankful.

Today, I started my second cycle of BEP chemo. I am happy to get it started cuz I am one step closer to the end.

The past two weeks have been pretty good. My strength is good and my energy is decent. My blood levels have been affected. My white cell count was really low and my red blood count is low. I took the Neulasta shot for the white cell count. Also, I have been self supplementing foods and juice drinks things that are high in B-12 which help to rebuild the immunity system. More meat and liverwursts is helping with my red blood count. I believe! My goal is to keep my system as "whole" as possible so that I can continue my treatments and so that I feel well. It is the least I can do for myself.

Last Wednesday, I cut my hair really short cuz it started falling out. Yesterday, I had to shave my head since my hair started coming out in large clumps leaving bald patches. That was a hard one. I'm glad I had already bought my wig and little beanie hats to wear... My husband is so supportive... He keeps telling me -- "its just hair and it'll grow back".... My sister tells me
its getting rid of the old with a vision of what is new to come with my renewed health... I guess she is right... I am still adjusting...

It has been an emotional few weeks for my sisters because all "this" has brought back a lot of the bad memories associated with our mother's cancer, treatments, and her ultimate death. I keep reassuring them that I'm ok and that chemo is a preventative step for me since I am cancer-free based on my scans. It makes me feel badly that they are worried about me. Hopefully, time will make this better for them.

Today is the last day of my first cycle of my BEP chemo treatment.

I'm feeling tired. I can feel the drain the drugs have on my body, but I am functioning. I'm able to drive, I'm able to "love" up my son, I'm able to do for myself, stay connected to the world and feel the love and support I'm getting.

My treatment is done over 5 days, 6 hours per day. It is my "new" job until I'm done.

Acknowledging the Disease

I have many roles in my life, but today the role that affects me the most is cancer patient and dealing with the fact that I have cancer. The good news is that I am a surviving cancer. I have been fighting GCT cancer since 2004 and I feel blessed that I am still here to write about it especially since I lost my own mother to lung and breast cancer on May 14, 2008.

Seeing firsthand what cancer and its treatments can do to a person is enough in itself to make anyone run for the hills. It is scary.

When my husband and I decided to start a family, I ran into problems regulating my cycle and conceiving which led me to a fertility specialist. After charging down the road of preparing for treatments, I found out I had a bigger problem unbeknownst to me -- it was called cancer.

My ovary was the size of a brick (literally, I still have a 3-d model of the dimensions from my original sonogram). I had no real symptoms except excessive trips to the rest room because the displacement was putting pressure on my bladder. My fertility doctor sent me to an oncologist. After a number of examines and tests, an exploratory surgery was scheduled to see what was going on with my ovary. The pathology revealed I had granulosa cell tumor, a rare ovarian cancer – a cancer that is germane to white, post menopausal women. I am neither.

I have had many surgeries in my life most of them lately have been to treat my cancer.

Feb ‘88 – Appendicitis

April ’03 – Fibroid removed

Nov ’04 – ovary removed and discovery of GCT

Nov ’05 – C-section & exploratory after birth of son

Nov ’06 – miscarriage (natural)

Apr ’07 – GCT reoccurrence – surgery removal

Oct ’07 – miscarriage - DNC

Mar ’08 – GCT reoccurrence – surgery removal

Oct ’08 – GCT reoccurrence – hysterectomy

I learned this week that I'm to undergo chemo treatments as an aggressive attempt to really get me cancer-free. I hope it works.

I know I have a fight ahead of me. While it is very serious, it pales in comparison to the fight my mother had. When she was diagnosed, she was already Stage IV. Despite the uphill battle, she fought a serious fight until she couldn't.

I am anxious about the unknowns associated with my future and my lifespan, and it all stems from this thing called cancer. I am a believer and have the faith that what’s going to be is going to be and worrying solves few problems. I just keep trying to remind myself of this. It is quite easy to remember when I look at my three year old son. I shutter at the thought of ever leaving this child. At 40 years old, it was difficult handling the loss of my own mother.