Pink & Being Present...

My life's cheerleaders -- all in pink!

On March 15^th, I hosted a Celebration of Life Brunch. I had approximately 60 people attend. It was a joyous day that was indeed full of celebration and love.

I have been out of treatment for 3 months now. The ability to feel and experience day-to-day things such as happiness, pain or even disappointment is a blessing. When I feel the challenge of a workout, pain from being sore afterwards, being upset because I don’t like something someone did or said-- all gives me great sense of the “here and now.” It is because I am here and have the ability to feel.

After all I’ve been through I no longer take things for granted. A few months ago, I couldn’t jog because I was so tired. I couldn’t be ticked that my IPOD playlist wasn’t updated because I wasn’t listening to it and didn’t care. I didn’t have the need to buy a new printer because I wasn’t working much. I had a different focus and it was just getting through chemo. I survived chemo and now I am surviving and present in my life.

My hair started to grow back one month after my treatments ended. While I am still adjusting to the microness and the curliness of my hair, most days (lately) I do not wear my wig. It feels weird to not have long hair, but I am trying to embrace my new look and wear my short hair as a true sign of success, recovery and moving in the right direction.

Healthwise, I feel great. I’ve been exercising. I’m able to run 5 miles. My energy level is good most days. There still seems to be at least one day a week where I’m wiped out. I take iron and a calcium supplement to help my anemia and also the side affects from my hysterectomy (menopause). As I started to recover from the side affects of the chemo, the side affects of my surgically induced menopause kicked in -- night sweats and achy joints. I still also get a good dose of Vitiam D and C through my health drinks which helps the absorption of both the iron and calcium. I am still closely monitored by both my gyn oncologist and my medical oncologist.

The discoloration in my hands and feet subsided. Overnight, it seemed to disappear. I still have some minor swelling in my hands, but I am able to wear my wedding set again which makes me happy.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have cheered other cancer patients on. I reached out to a friend of a friend who started his BEP treatments on April 20^th. I shared with him my insights while going through my treatments and some of the tricks I learned along the way -- hydration, eating well, listening to your body, etc... I am happy to report he made it through his first cycle with flying colors and our conversation seem to help. I will participate in the Washington DC Race for the Cure on June 6^th in memory of my mother who passed away a year ago from breast cancer and also my husband’s aunt who died from the same five years ago.

I look forward to celebrating my 41^st birthday in a few weeks – birthdays are very important now.

Resuming Life After Chemo...

There is indeed life after chemo!

My New Normal & Celebrating Life

It has been about two months since I finished my chemo treatments. I am feeling well.

One month after finishing my treatments, my hair started to grow back in a noticeable fashion. I call myself a chia pet since hair is sprouting all over. It is a sign that my body is normalizing and recovering from the treatments. I told my son my hair was growing back and he wanted to know if he could put some water on it to help it grow.:-)

I’ve had a CT scan and more blood work to see how effective the chemo was and how I’m really progressing. The CT scan came back clear with no evidence of cancer which I am so very thankful for; however, to my surprise, my blood levels are still low. My white blood cells (which affect my immunity) and my red bloods cells (affect energy and anemia) are still below the normal range which means I am susceptible to disease and infections and I am still anemic.

Late in treatment and afterwards, I was taking iron supplements to improve my anemia and also drinking fruit drinks that were high in the Bs which help to rebuild my immunity system. I am sad to say that as I started to feel better, I stopped taking the iron and drinking the drinks. I believe my levels would be higher IF I had kept up my regimen from the beginning.

I have done some soul searching and realized the drs have done what they can do with the chemo and constant monitoring; the rest is up to me – to ensure I stay on track by doing what I need to do to get my body back “whole” again. This was a real lesson learned! So, more veggies, more fruit, more supplements, more exercise to help myself.

I’ve had some generalized swelling as a side effect from my anemia -- my face, hands and feet. Now that I’m taking my iron again, it appears to be getting better.

My husband kept his promise of a trip after my chemo. Thanks to my sister’s, Jeana’s, willingness to care for our son, we have enjoyed some get away time in South America and England. It was like coming out of a cocoon, a rebirth, and renewal for me and for us as a couple. I am very thankful that was well enough to make these trips and had an enjoyable time.

On Sunday, March 15^th, I am hosting a brunch for MY cheerleaders in all this. They prayed for me, they made meals for me, they called or e-mailed to check on me, they stood by me, they have supported me and my family and for that I am eternally grateful. So, I figure since I’m feeling better, we would CELEBRATE our collective success since I feel I could not have done this without each of them.

Life Goes On

Three weeks ago I was told I needed to set up appointments for my follow up scans, blood work and my doctors' visit. I just now got around to doing it cuz quite honestly after going through chemo, the last thing I want is another doctor's visit or any thing that could lead to bad news. Nonetheless, I know that vigilance has been part of my success with dealing with cancer, so I made the appointments because I know they are the best thing for me. Sometimes I have to separate my intellectual thinking from my emotional thinking -- intellectual leads to better outcomes.:-)

My energy level has really rebounded. An afternoon nap is nice, but it doesn't seem as necessary as it used to. I gladly shoveled our very long driveway when it snowed, I've been doing chores around the house, I've been staying up past my son's bedtime, and my client work is back in full swing -- feels great and unusually "normal"!

While it is not brush worthy yet, my hair has started to grow back. I use a magnifying mirror to monitor. Until the mane is ready for prime time, I will continue to wear my wigs. I had to buy two more because I realized that I was bored with the same hair do. Nothing like having hair you can't style the way you want! I now have 4 different styles which I'm very happy about.

The first encounter is always the hardest...I'd prefer it if people would relax and treat me like they've always treated me. I think chemo and cancer makes people, who don't have it or haven't had to deal with it, very uncomfortable. When I see the uneasiness, I try to break the ice by "showing" people how "normal" I am despite the cancer and its associated treatments. Cancer doesn't have to be the topic of every conversation. In fact, I'd prefer to talk about other things.

In a few days I will head off on my long awaited vacation. My sister will care for our 3 year old. I will experience the zest of life and new things like parasailing, rappelling and will love up my husband who has been a rock for me. I am very thankful and feel blessed to have this life of mine!

Patience...

It has been three weeks since my last chemo treatment and while I am feeling pretty darn good; however, I can still feel and see the side effects of the chemo. At this point, I just want to blink my eyes and have everything go back to normal. My hands are still swollen, my hair hasn’t started to grow back yet (that I can tell), and the discoloration of my hands and feet has not improved which means the toxins still linger in my body. I am very self conscious about all of these items. I’m praying for continued good health and PATIENCE as my body tries to repair itself.

Since Nov 17th, I have had 21 BEP chemo treatments, I have had 9 doctor visits, I have had no less than 10 nose bleeds, I've been nauseous and tired many days, and I've thrown up only two days. I must say, it could have been worse. When in treatment, there is dedication to the treatments and overall health beyond what most may expect. It is the priority and "this" has been my full time job since Nov.

During this time, I have received 12 meals from kind selfless souls. This has taken a HUGE burden from me and my family and we are very thankful. Thank you to my Mom's group, neighbors and friends for taking time away from your family to support mine!

I have gotten dozens of e-mails, facebook posts, and Mom's group message board posts to check on me and to cheer me on. This is fuel for my soul.

Since I started treatment, I have continued to I put my son to bed each night and I bathed him. I did most of the grocery shopping. I hosted both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. I went to two holiday parties. I went to see the West Side Story and I worked 55 hours. I drove myself to and from all my treatments and drs appts except the first one. I bring up these items because if you ever go through chemo I want you to know life does not stop, you can go through "this" and still maintain some sort of normalcy. I may not have been operating at 100%, but dammit I tried!

Even though I'm done and I'm feeling slightly better and damn happy right now, I'm not out the woods yet so to speak. My blood levels are near critical level so I have to be careful with my nosebleeds and my anemia over the next week or so cuz I don't want another transfusion or to be hospitalized. I'm told my levels will continue to drop until about Friday as a side affect of the chemo and then start to rebound slowly.

My biggest supporter has been my husband. THANK YOU for standing by me, encouraging me, and looking at me no different than you did that first date night when we first met at the Greene Turtle! You are truly a great father, partner, friend and the love of my life!

Head Humor

I got showered, dressed, put make up on and when I went to put on my wig, I couldn't find it. PANIC... what to do... I searched for a little bit, but never found it. Luckily, I had another to wear. The whole time I was out I kept thinking where did I take that darn thing off.... I figured I'd find it tucked in between the cushions in the sofa or on a shelf in the pantry. Everyone else believed Fletcher had it -- maybe a new nest for one of his stuffed animals. Well, a day later I found it inside my shirt! DUH.... Made me laugh at myself....

My husband has an affection for my bald head. He kisses it and rubs it. It has led to a new nickname -- "Prickles" cuz of the stubble I have. Each morning is started with "How is Prickles today?" Makes me smile...

I guess things could be worse...