Great News!

I am very happy to announce that my scan came back clear. I was really stressed out until I got these results. I guess since some time has passed and things "seemed" to be back to normal, I was fearful that in an instant things would change.

Also something very interesting with my bloodwork. My CA125 came back at 6 which is a record low for me which indicates the chemo was really successful. In the past, my CA125 has always been 100 or more even when I was "supposedly" cancer-free. This is a great indicator. I do my blood work in 3 months and another scan in 6 months. Keep me in your prayers!

Healthwise, all is good. Although I am having some problems with my knees which is not cancer related. I don't know how I went from being able to jog 5 miles to having problems walking?!!?? WTF... The problem may be from the jogging... I don't know. Needless to say, I'm trying to take care of myself.

I am back in the full swing of work. I have been a single parent much of the summer while my husband has been on international travel. I been keeping busy with Fletcher. While I'd prefer to have more free time to myself, I am happy and feel blesssed that I am ABLE to do "all this" and ABLE to be stressed (at times)!!! When I'm around people and they are complaining, I just listen and smile cuz when you've got that cancer "thang" hanging over your head, you've got bigger fish to fry and don't sweat the small stuff. These days, not much bothers me. I roll with it and keep moving. I am thankful to have the fortitude and attitude to be able to do that... I smile and think of my mother when I do -- like her, I'm a fighter.

My hair is back. I'm back to 'styling' it and I couldn't be happier! My hair and nails are MINE and longer than they've been in almost a year! While my hair is a lot shorter than I would usually wear it, I feel like myself again. I got my mojo back!!!

Thank you God for your blessing and for my angel who continues to watch over her child. Life is good!

Six Months After Chemo

I finished chemo six months ago today! I am proud to say I'm doing well and feeling pretty good.



I saw a friend who is going through the BEP chemo treatments and I really realized how far I've come in my recovery because when I saw him weak and hairless, it took me back to were I was -- not being there is a great feeling. But getting where I am now has been incremental -- mentally and emotionally. I still have days when I wonder when/if I will have to deal with the cancer -- like a cloud as an indicator of rain, it makes you wonder when its going to happen. I try not to think about it, but I can't help myself. There are days no matter where I turn there's "cancer" -- a colleague with breast cancer requiring her to have a double mastectomy, a colleague's wife whom lost her battle to the same -- the constant reminder of how far I've come and of the blessing of life.

Race for Cure - Supporting Cancer Research

It was a weepy day when I made this flyer to honor those in our life that cancer has taken from us.

As a family, my husband, myself and my son joined the Binary Group team (my client) as we set out to increase awareness, support and raise money for the research of breast cancer.

It was an awesome thing to be a part of and I am sooo very happy that I was able to do it and to be around other cancer survivors.

I also appreciate the outpouring of donations and support from our family and friends. In particular, my mother's siblings really stepped up to support this cause.


Thank you!

Sign of Renewal & Healing - My New Hair!

I haven't quite given up my wig yet, but I am so happy to not be wed to that darn cranial apparatus (better known as the wig) full-time anymore. This is about 3 months worth of growth. I don't know what to do with "this" hair. You see, I'm a fan of coloring, straightening, flat ironing, etc. This is my natural hair and I haven't seen it since I was about 16 years old!

While I'm still adjusting, I couldn't be happier cuz I'm here and able to go through another phase of this process. For me, this is a clear sign of how God continues to bless me, healing, and renewal.

Pink & Being Present...

My life's cheerleaders -- all in pink!

On March 15^th, I hosted a Celebration of Life Brunch. I had approximately 60 people attend. It was a joyous day that was indeed full of celebration and love.

I have been out of treatment for 3 months now. The ability to feel and experience day-to-day things such as happiness, pain or even disappointment is a blessing. When I feel the challenge of a workout, pain from being sore afterwards, being upset because I don’t like something someone did or said-- all gives me great sense of the “here and now.” It is because I am here and have the ability to feel.

After all I’ve been through I no longer take things for granted. A few months ago, I couldn’t jog because I was so tired. I couldn’t be ticked that my IPOD playlist wasn’t updated because I wasn’t listening to it and didn’t care. I didn’t have the need to buy a new printer because I wasn’t working much. I had a different focus and it was just getting through chemo. I survived chemo and now I am surviving and present in my life.

My hair started to grow back one month after my treatments ended. While I am still adjusting to the microness and the curliness of my hair, most days (lately) I do not wear my wig. It feels weird to not have long hair, but I am trying to embrace my new look and wear my short hair as a true sign of success, recovery and moving in the right direction.

Healthwise, I feel great. I’ve been exercising. I’m able to run 5 miles. My energy level is good most days. There still seems to be at least one day a week where I’m wiped out. I take iron and a calcium supplement to help my anemia and also the side affects from my hysterectomy (menopause). As I started to recover from the side affects of the chemo, the side affects of my surgically induced menopause kicked in -- night sweats and achy joints. I still also get a good dose of Vitiam D and C through my health drinks which helps the absorption of both the iron and calcium. I am still closely monitored by both my gyn oncologist and my medical oncologist.

The discoloration in my hands and feet subsided. Overnight, it seemed to disappear. I still have some minor swelling in my hands, but I am able to wear my wedding set again which makes me happy.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have cheered other cancer patients on. I reached out to a friend of a friend who started his BEP treatments on April 20^th. I shared with him my insights while going through my treatments and some of the tricks I learned along the way -- hydration, eating well, listening to your body, etc... I am happy to report he made it through his first cycle with flying colors and our conversation seem to help. I will participate in the Washington DC Race for the Cure on June 6^th in memory of my mother who passed away a year ago from breast cancer and also my husband’s aunt who died from the same five years ago.

I look forward to celebrating my 41^st birthday in a few weeks – birthdays are very important now.

Resuming Life After Chemo...

There is indeed life after chemo!

My New Normal & Celebrating Life

It has been about two months since I finished my chemo treatments. I am feeling well.

One month after finishing my treatments, my hair started to grow back in a noticeable fashion. I call myself a chia pet since hair is sprouting all over. It is a sign that my body is normalizing and recovering from the treatments. I told my son my hair was growing back and he wanted to know if he could put some water on it to help it grow.:-)

I’ve had a CT scan and more blood work to see how effective the chemo was and how I’m really progressing. The CT scan came back clear with no evidence of cancer which I am so very thankful for; however, to my surprise, my blood levels are still low. My white blood cells (which affect my immunity) and my red bloods cells (affect energy and anemia) are still below the normal range which means I am susceptible to disease and infections and I am still anemic.

Late in treatment and afterwards, I was taking iron supplements to improve my anemia and also drinking fruit drinks that were high in the Bs which help to rebuild my immunity system. I am sad to say that as I started to feel better, I stopped taking the iron and drinking the drinks. I believe my levels would be higher IF I had kept up my regimen from the beginning.

I have done some soul searching and realized the drs have done what they can do with the chemo and constant monitoring; the rest is up to me – to ensure I stay on track by doing what I need to do to get my body back “whole” again. This was a real lesson learned! So, more veggies, more fruit, more supplements, more exercise to help myself.

I’ve had some generalized swelling as a side effect from my anemia -- my face, hands and feet. Now that I’m taking my iron again, it appears to be getting better.

My husband kept his promise of a trip after my chemo. Thanks to my sister’s, Jeana’s, willingness to care for our son, we have enjoyed some get away time in South America and England. It was like coming out of a cocoon, a rebirth, and renewal for me and for us as a couple. I am very thankful that was well enough to make these trips and had an enjoyable time.

On Sunday, March 15^th, I am hosting a brunch for MY cheerleaders in all this. They prayed for me, they made meals for me, they called or e-mailed to check on me, they stood by me, they have supported me and my family and for that I am eternally grateful. So, I figure since I’m feeling better, we would CELEBRATE our collective success since I feel I could not have done this without each of them.

Life Goes On

Three weeks ago I was told I needed to set up appointments for my follow up scans, blood work and my doctors' visit. I just now got around to doing it cuz quite honestly after going through chemo, the last thing I want is another doctor's visit or any thing that could lead to bad news. Nonetheless, I know that vigilance has been part of my success with dealing with cancer, so I made the appointments because I know they are the best thing for me. Sometimes I have to separate my intellectual thinking from my emotional thinking -- intellectual leads to better outcomes.:-)

My energy level has really rebounded. An afternoon nap is nice, but it doesn't seem as necessary as it used to. I gladly shoveled our very long driveway when it snowed, I've been doing chores around the house, I've been staying up past my son's bedtime, and my client work is back in full swing -- feels great and unusually "normal"!

While it is not brush worthy yet, my hair has started to grow back. I use a magnifying mirror to monitor. Until the mane is ready for prime time, I will continue to wear my wigs. I had to buy two more because I realized that I was bored with the same hair do. Nothing like having hair you can't style the way you want! I now have 4 different styles which I'm very happy about.

The first encounter is always the hardest...I'd prefer it if people would relax and treat me like they've always treated me. I think chemo and cancer makes people, who don't have it or haven't had to deal with it, very uncomfortable. When I see the uneasiness, I try to break the ice by "showing" people how "normal" I am despite the cancer and its associated treatments. Cancer doesn't have to be the topic of every conversation. In fact, I'd prefer to talk about other things.

In a few days I will head off on my long awaited vacation. My sister will care for our 3 year old. I will experience the zest of life and new things like parasailing, rappelling and will love up my husband who has been a rock for me. I am very thankful and feel blessed to have this life of mine!

Patience...

It has been three weeks since my last chemo treatment and while I am feeling pretty darn good; however, I can still feel and see the side effects of the chemo. At this point, I just want to blink my eyes and have everything go back to normal. My hands are still swollen, my hair hasn’t started to grow back yet (that I can tell), and the discoloration of my hands and feet has not improved which means the toxins still linger in my body. I am very self conscious about all of these items. I’m praying for continued good health and PATIENCE as my body tries to repair itself.

Since Nov 17th, I have had 21 BEP chemo treatments, I have had 9 doctor visits, I have had no less than 10 nose bleeds, I've been nauseous and tired many days, and I've thrown up only two days. I must say, it could have been worse. When in treatment, there is dedication to the treatments and overall health beyond what most may expect. It is the priority and "this" has been my full time job since Nov.

During this time, I have received 12 meals from kind selfless souls. This has taken a HUGE burden from me and my family and we are very thankful. Thank you to my Mom's group, neighbors and friends for taking time away from your family to support mine!

I have gotten dozens of e-mails, facebook posts, and Mom's group message board posts to check on me and to cheer me on. This is fuel for my soul.

Since I started treatment, I have continued to I put my son to bed each night and I bathed him. I did most of the grocery shopping. I hosted both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. I went to two holiday parties. I went to see the West Side Story and I worked 55 hours. I drove myself to and from all my treatments and drs appts except the first one. I bring up these items because if you ever go through chemo I want you to know life does not stop, you can go through "this" and still maintain some sort of normalcy. I may not have been operating at 100%, but dammit I tried!

Even though I'm done and I'm feeling slightly better and damn happy right now, I'm not out the woods yet so to speak. My blood levels are near critical level so I have to be careful with my nosebleeds and my anemia over the next week or so cuz I don't want another transfusion or to be hospitalized. I'm told my levels will continue to drop until about Friday as a side affect of the chemo and then start to rebound slowly.

My biggest supporter has been my husband. THANK YOU for standing by me, encouraging me, and looking at me no different than you did that first date night when we first met at the Greene Turtle! You are truly a great father, partner, friend and the love of my life!

Head Humor

I got showered, dressed, put make up on and when I went to put on my wig, I couldn't find it. PANIC... what to do... I searched for a little bit, but never found it. Luckily, I had another to wear. The whole time I was out I kept thinking where did I take that darn thing off.... I figured I'd find it tucked in between the cushions in the sofa or on a shelf in the pantry. Everyone else believed Fletcher had it -- maybe a new nest for one of his stuffed animals. Well, a day later I found it inside my shirt! DUH.... Made me laugh at myself....

My husband has an affection for my bald head. He kisses it and rubs it. It has led to a new nickname -- "Prickles" cuz of the stubble I have. Each morning is started with "How is Prickles today?" Makes me smile...

I guess things could be worse...

Progress

My sister, Jeana, surprised me by visiting me during my last full day of treatment on Friday. She brought me flowers and balloons to celebrate the milestone. I must admit it made me misty and made me think of our mother. In a sense, like magic, I've gotten through "this" and I swear it is her (my mother, my angel) keeping careful watch over me and my sisters.

I still have one chemo treatment left (next Tuesday), but since I finished my last full week on Friday, there's been a sense of "calm" that's come over our household. I guess the knowing the bulk of the treatments are done and a sense of "we can deal with just about anything at this point" eases one's mind. Fletcher's happy, Daddy's happy, Mommy's happy -- everyone is happy...

My Mom's Group, continues to bless our family with meals. My husband is going to be so disappointed when the meals stop arriving. These are "his" meals and he plans his week around them. His belt has gone up a size, too.:-) We love the variety and the introduction to new options. I didn't realize how boring and routine my cooking had become. This and watching loads of the Food Network makes me want to improve my cooking skills.

My husband promised me a vacation and a wardrobe after my treatments. The vacation is set. We are taking a 7 day cruise from New Orleans where we will visit cities in Belize, Mexico, and Guatemala and in March I'm tagging along with Chris on a business trip to England. I am excited. Although I'd love a new wardrobe, it probably isn't necessary. Maybe a few pieces for my trips...

While no thanks is necessary (according to the "rules"), I am planning to host a brunch at my home after my cruise for all the women who have supported me -- the power of PINK. I'd like to personally thank everyone and to meet the selfless souls who took time away from their own families to support mine -- many of them I have never meet. The brunch is to celebrate with my Mom's Group, my friends, and family and will probably be in March.

I'm looking forward to getting off the sidelines of my own life and to getting back in the game. My goal in the next week is is start walking so that I can start to rebuild my stamina. I'll also start back to my client work. My new boss has been so patient and compassionate with me. I've been able to work off and on throughout my treatment because of him. And, of course, there are the forever looming house projects that I will need to do like: custom closet organizer for our master, clear out Fletcher's baby stuff since I know I'm not going to have another baby and get a chandelier for our dining room tops my list.